Go without, 'til the need seeps in.

I went through an old journal today. Do you guys ever do that? I’m not dwelling on the past, I just like to see where I used to be and what I used to think. Sometimes I’m disappointed in myself for thinking the way I used to think, but never embarrassed because at least I was genuine and was myself. I didn’t hide anything, nor did I try to. I laid it out like it was, and although I’ve made many mistakes, that was probably the bravest thing anyone could have done in the situation.

I think differently, of course, from how I did back then. I look back and I’m not embarrassed, but a bit of the things I used to say now make no sense to me now. Well they do. Everything has changed yet it has remained the same at the same time because words from the past are still relatable. Am I making the same mistakes or is my writing just that universal? I don’t know, not for anyone to answer since I don’t lay it all down here for the sake of privacy.

I spent so much time trying to fix something that has proved to be irreparable. Yet somehow, my stubborn nature kept me trying and trying. Forgive me for having hope in humanity and laying aside my cynicism in something I believed in. Or shit, why am I apologizing? Scratch that. No apology. I have no need to apologize for being who I am. It’s just a real eye-opener. For me, my writing has always done that for me, no matter how far it dates back. I write somethings and I sometimes can’t believe that I wrote it, that I thought that, and it feels like it was someone else living it, someone else thinking that. If anything, I suppose it shows how much I’ve matured, yet how I still have my weak spots, not that I’d ever really let on on that. I can admit that much, but I’ll never let you get to me. Never. Try me.

I think too much most of the time, sometimes I wonder if it keeps me from living. Or if that’s just the way I should live. Because when I don’t think, I usually end up doing something I shouldn’t have done. Not that I regret it, because then that would change who I am today, but sometimes they’re not the smartest moves. But it’s what I wanted at the moment and I applaud myself for doing what I wanted and forgetting about what anyone else would think. I know, I’m so vague. I just can’t let on, but I do have to vent.

I must be the biggest queer on Tumblr. *applause*

(via calebrewster)

Haha, I amuse myself. They really are though. I like it though. It’s my signature look. Chopped up bangs that wind up turning into a superman curl that get in the way for pictures. Because thazz how it should be. Haha. I’m thinking of recapping on my day but at the moment, I’m too lazy to type it all up. Maybe next time. :B

Useless post, I know. Haha, most of mine are.